When it comes to dating, we live in very confusing times. Oftentimes at my shoe store we talk about what College was like for my bosses. Now my bosses are by no means old, but hearing their opinions slightly freak me out. They weren’t nearly as connected as we all are nowadays. Think about it. Everyone owns a phone. Everyone texts. Everyone calls. Everyone checks their e-mails, facebooks, AND twitters on their phones. There really isn’t a point in time when we AREN’T all connected to the entire world around us. Now compare this trait, truly characteristic to Millennials, with Gen X and Baby Boomers. My mom loves to lecture me that when she went out on dates she would have to plan long in advance for the date. She would have to be reliable because unless she was home, she wouldn’t know who was looking for her. Imagine what life would be like without your cell phone. Pretty liberating. Pretty darn liberating.
Or would it be? I forget how connected I am to everyone else. I love the online world and the depth of knowledge available at my fingertips. At the same time however, I think it is really detrimental. I think that we take advantage of how connected we are and as a result we mask behind this deep longing to be connected. It’s kind of sad if you think about it. We try to be SO connected to the world around us to prove to others that we are connected. But we’re not. We’re not able to just see people eye to eye. We are losing the ability to relate to others on a personal level.
Sometimes I try to imagine what life would be like if I lived in a time before cell phones. Were guys any different back then? I bet they weren’t.
Was life different back then? I bet it was. I have this hunching suspicion that people had to be a lot more accountable and a lot less sketchy. If you were going to a certain bar or party or house back in the day you had to go. You didn’t have a choice if you wanted to flake out and text someone.
Did you know that some people have come up with certain acceptable rules for dating.
Here are the top 10 rules for women:
1. Be a Creature unlike any other. Being a creature unlike any other is really an attitude, a sense of confidence and radiance that permeates your being from head to toe. It’s the way you smile (you light up the room), pause in between sentences (you don’t babble on out of nervousness), listen (attentively), look (demurely, never stare), breathe (slowly), stand (straight) and walk (briskly, with your shoulders back). When a relationship doesn’t work out, you brush away a tear so that it doesn’t smudge your makeup and you move on!
2. Show up to parties, dances and social events even if you don’t feel like it. Realize that you may not meet Mr. Right naturally and that you therefore must take social action immediately even if you don’t want to. Get a manicure and go out on another date or to that singles dance — do something to increase your chances of meeting men.
3. Its a fantasy relationship unless a man asks you out.
Don’t waste time on a fantasy relationship. You may have a good rapport with your doctor, lawyer or accountant, and you may find yourself wondering if he is interested in you romantically. How can you know for sure? If he’s never asked you out, then He’s Just Not That Into You!
4. In an office romance, do not email him back everytime he emails you unless it is business related. On all non-business e-mails, responding once for every four of his e-mails is a good rule of thumb. Remember, you never know who has access to your e-mail, so keep all romance off the screen and save it for Saturday nights.
5. If you are in a long distance relationship, he should visit you three times before you visit him. Remember, the first three visits are really nothing more than three dates… and on the first three dates we don’t sleep with a man or have him stay at our place overnight.
6.When considering whether to use personal ads or other dating services, you should place the ad and let men respond to you. It goes back to the basic premise of The Rules: Man pursues woman. When writing your ad, remember that every man has a type, a voice or a look he likes. There has to be a spark for him that attracts him to you, something that makes him find you unexplainably special.
7. If he doesn’t call then he is not that interested. Period. We know this is hard to accept, but it’s not that he hasn’t called because he’s busy, or because you didn’t smile or talk enough (or did too much). It’s not that he lost your phone number. The bottom line is, if he hasn’t called, he’s not that interested.
8. Close the deal- rules women do not date longer than 2 years.
If you’ve followed The Rules, your man probably loves you and wants to marry you. Your problem is not if he marries you, but when! If it’s been more than a year, see less of him and think about dating others. You’ve already spent more than a year waiting for him to propose; do you have another year to wait?
9. Buyer Beware: Observe his behavior do you don’t end up with Mr. Wrong.
Love may be blind, but Rules girls are not stupid! How does he act in the relationship? Is he cheap on dates? Is he critical of you? Remember, The Rules are not about marrying the first man you are attracted to who calls you by Wednesday for Saturday night and buys you flowers. It’s about marrying your own personal Mr. Right — a man whom you love and whose character you admire and can live with.
10. Keep doing the RULES even when things are slow.
Take care of yourself, take a bubble bath and build up your soul with positive slogans like “I am a beautiful woman. I am enough.”
You must learn to accept that, as an adult, you can’t always rely on a friend to do things with you. Even if you don’t meet Mr. Right, going out — whether it’s a restaurant, lecture or party — is a chance to meet new people and practice The Rules.
Are the rules old fashioned? Should there even be rules for dating?